I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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