Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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