you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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