You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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