Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize