Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
