so that wasnt chicken after all
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
