I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
