So drunk its hurt
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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