oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
