i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
