I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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