i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
