hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
