Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
