Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
