Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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