Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
