My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
COCAINE IS GR8
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
