Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
