apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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