Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh god it's open bar.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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