I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
