So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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