did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
