I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I won the penis lottery.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
