Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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