I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
