Porn is love you can see.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
