he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
