i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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