what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
