She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My bed smells like the plague
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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