hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
