Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
