The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
