It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your cock deserves a montage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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