maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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