Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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