In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
