Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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