As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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