Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
