So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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