i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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