Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The Olympian is in my bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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