Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize