I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
