My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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