the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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