You're my little dorito
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
