i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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