I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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