so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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