well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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