'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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