Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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