I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
