He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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