youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
