I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
