there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
