If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
